dizziness Archives – Page 12 of 13

In Chronic Illness

HAWMC Day 21: Health Madlib Poem

April 21, 2012 No Comments

Welcome all again. It’s a bright, beautiful sunny morning outside, on the 21st April. And time for a new post for the WEGO Health ’30 Days, 30 Posts’ Challenge. The prompt for today is as follows:

Health Madlib Poem…Go to http://languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pi and fill in the parts of the speech and the site will generate a poem for you. Feel free to post the madlib or edit it to make it better…

I have to admit that I hadn’t a clue what a Madlib was, which was where Google came in very handy. Apparently, Mad Libs is a word game frequently played at parties and is especially popular among children. Mad Libs (from ad lib meaning a spontaneous improvisation) is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts another for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, usually with funny results. Information taken from Wikipedia.

In this particular challenge, the website given in the prompt asked me to provide words such as nouns, verbs, adverbs and adjectives and then generated a poem using the words I provided. The following in a mixture of my words and those of e.e cummings, based upon his poem entitled ‘somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond’.

Here is my Health Madlib Poem:

alone i always fall, fall almost broken

any room, your lesion lies there invisible

in your most inner brain are things which seclude me,

or which i cannot see because they are too deep

your trivial look quickly will turn me

though i have looked at their lights

you feel suddenly dizzy by dizzy myself as flashes brightly

(grasping tables, falling) her weakness obvious

or if your wish be to catch me, i and

my legs will stand very shakily, uncontrollably

as when the scene of this world spins

the vertigo increases intensely

nothing which we are to do in this circumstance can

the power of your intense movement; whose strength

compels me with the nausea of its disturbance,

legs buckling and crumbling with each tremor

(i do not understand what it is about you that causes)

and reacts; only something in me damaged

the stem of your brain is scarred than all others

falling, not even the crutch, has such fast reflexes

And here is the original e.e. cummings poem of ‘somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond’:

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and

my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility: whose texture

compels me with the colour of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens; only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

So, what do you all think? Please leave a comment below, love to know your thoughts! Have you created your own madlib poem, please share them, would love to read them.

Until Tomorrow…

In Chronic Illness

HAWMC Day 18: Open a Book…

April 18, 2012 No Comments

Welcome everyone again. It’s now Day 18 of the ’30 Days, 30 Posts Challenge’, and a new prompt to challenge us all Health Bloggers! Today’s prompt reads:

Open a Book…Choose a book and open it to a random page and point to a phrase. Use that phrase to get you writing today. Free write for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

Have been trying to decide which book I should choose for today’s challenge. I was going to opt for a book by one of my favourite authors Jodi Picoult. However, as I blog about my health condition, I thought it may be easier to choose a ‘Health related’ book to stay on topic of my blog. Therefore, I finally decided on a book entitled ‘Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired: Living with Invisible Chronic Illness’.

The book is said to give hope and effective coping strategies for those suffering with invisible chronic illnesses and making them aware of their attitudes towards their illness and how to communicate effectively with family, friends as well as their doctors in a way that meets the needs of the individual. How to random choose a page, and to pick a sentence…

So, I randomly fell upon page 29 and choose the following sentence:

Invisible diseases can wipe out one’s self-confidence and peace and in their place leave painful doubts about one’s own sense of what is real.

Now that I have chosen at random that passage, I feel that sentence is one that I can relate to and one that could have been written about me. After the dizziness started at age 8, I went through years of trying to search for a diagnosis, going through many blood tests to determine the origin of the dreaded dizziness.

When no cause could be determined, is when the doctor used the “it’s all in your head” card, and describing the root cause of the dizziness as being due to an anxiety disorder. As a result, it made me feel that I was the one at fault, to be blamed for my problems. As the dizziness slowly progressed and became so bad that I was unable to leave the house unless I was accompanied by another person, I was referred to the local Community Mental Health Team. And so began endless classes and other sessions of Anxiety Management Techniques, Relaxation and Breathing Exercises to lessen the anxiety I felt when in certain situations and to lessen the dizziness I felt.

I did put all these techniques and other tips that I learnt into practice, and felt I certainly did feel less anxious when going out, although I still needed to be someone. However, I found that the dizziness that I experienced did not lessen at all.

Therefore, to reiterate the sentence from the book that I had chosen – it really dented my self-confidence and made me doubt myself, “was the dizziness that I felt real, or am I simply imagining it? Am I really experiencing it?”.

After a time, I did begin to even doubt if the doctors were correct in their diagnosis and felt that perhaps the dizziness was caused by something other than anxiety. However, I did not have the self-confidence to bring up my concerns with the doctors, and felt that perhaps that I was being a hypochondriac. After all they are the professionals and know a lot more than myself.

It wasn’t until another healthcare professional I talked during a course I was participating in, also voiced her concerns about the dizziness, and talked about possible neurological causes. Hearing this from a ‘professional’ than gave me that push to go and see a doctor about getting the ball rolling for a referral to a neurologist. The doctor whom I saw however was unconvinced that I needed to see a neurologist – sometimes if you have been branded as a patient with ‘psychological problem’ then it is hard for you to be taken seriously. It helped that I also had a parent in my corner acting as an advocate. And then finally I got the referral I needed to see a neurological consultant…

And as they say, the rest is history!!….

I hoped you enjoy today’s post…Again, please feel free to comment…

In Chronic Illness

HAWMC Day 16: Pinboard

April 16, 2012 No Comments

Welcome to another post for the 30 Days, 30 Posts Challenge as part of the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. It’s Day 16 and today’s prompt says the following:

Pinboard…Create a pinterest board for your health focus. Pin 3 things. What did you pin? Share the images in a post and explain why you chose them

For those who are not aware, Pinterest is a ‘virtual pinboard’ and allows users to organise and share photographs that they love or inspire them. Users are also able to browse pinboards created by others who share they particular interests and a great way for discovering new ideas. Pinboards allow users to be able to plan special occasions such as weddings, or ideas for decorating the home or for new recipes.

I have signed up to Pinterest and my username is serenebutterfly for those wanting to have a look at my personal pinboard

This is a tough assignment today – my condition is, as already mentioned is invisible, so finding images that reflect my health focus. This is where Google is going to come in very handy!!

Image: http://reference.medscape.com/features/slideshow/vertigo

The above image shows an MRI, the scan on the left depicts a brain stem lesion which is exactly what is wrong with me. However, it is not necessarily located in the same place as mine, however I thought that this image best showed what was going inside my head – the best way to show my health focus which is obviously my condition. Using an image of an MRI is the best way to illustrate what my specific health focus is – my condition…

Image: http://pinterest.com/pin/126593439495125404/ (Courtesy of Kyle Mills)

Okay so could not find a picture that really defines ‘dizziness’ adequately, I mean it is something that you feel happen to you, and cannot tell if someone is dizzy by looking at them. However, this picture does show what my view is like when experiencing an episode of vertigo – as if the world is moving, and also depicts what my vision is like, quite effectively during these attacks as I very often have visual experiences – things become very out of focus and blurred and even double vision. Excellently portrayed by the image as you are able to see two images of the woman’s face. Closest picture I could find which really summed up the experience of vertigo and visual disturbances…

Okay, so this is the third and final image I have chosen. Again my condition or the symptoms that I experience are not visible, and therefore I have to use images that are a metaphor for what I face on a daily basis. The constant dizziness, is as if my world is always unbalanced, which is portrayed by the rocks being on a tilt. Also, one can never tell when one of the rocks is going to fall off and fall to the ground…This also depicts, in a really clever way the problems with my legs as just like the rocks, I never know when my legs are going to collapse, causing me to fall to the ground…

I thought I would share one more with you, as it is something that made me smile when I found it on Pinterest and something that I can very well relate to because of all the falls that I endure on a daily basis:

So, what do you all think of the images that I have chosen to represent my health focus? Are there any other images that I could have used to represent my condition? If you had to create a pinboard for yourself, what images would you pin?

As always love to hear your views, comments or suggestions…

In Chronic Illness

HAWMC Day 11: Theme Song

April 11, 2012 No Comments

Hey, everyone…

Am actually in good spirits today, had a great chat last night with my great friend Marissa for the interview I will be doing as part of her project on her blog abledis.com.

Anyway, getting back on topic, it is another day of the 30 Days, 30 Posts Challenge for the WEGO Health HAWMC. I think today’s prompt is so far has been the most challenging for me, and it reads:

Theme Song…Imagine your health focus or blog is getting its own theme song? What would the lyrics be? What type of music would it be played to?

I have found this very challenging, as I am not musical in the slightest. So, instead of composing my very own song for my health focus or blog, instead I have chosen to select a song which I feel inspires me and reflects my life with the condition.

And the song I have chosen is ‘Because of You’ by Kelly Clarkson. I absolutely love the song, and have decided that the ‘you’ in the song is a metaphor for the dizziness, and reflects how the dizziness has affected me and made me feel through the many years I have dealt with it. These are the lyrics:

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Not all the lyrics are relevant, but there are a select few that really fits my life with the dizziness and mt condition in general. For example, due to the severity of the dizziness and the episodes of vertigo and visual disturbances, I am unable to go out by myself and this is reflected in the lines “I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk/Because of You/I learned to play on the safe side/So I don’t get hurt”. It could also refer to the weakness in the legs, as they often give way on me with no warning, so obviously have to be careful of potential dangers in case of a fall.

Additionally, with the dizziness and experiencing at a very young age, I didn’t know what was going on, and was very difficult for me to articulate to doctors what the dizziness was like, and how I felt. Also, friends and peers at school due to the dizziness, thought I was ‘odd’ because of it, sitting in science class on high stools, I often had to grab on to the side of the table and because of all of this I was ostracised by my peers, and when I did make friends, or whom I thought were friends, I later found out that they would make fun and ridicule me behind my back. Even now I am cautious when meeting new people, and find it difficult to make new friends or trust new people who come into my life. This is perfectly summed up with the lyrics “Because of You/I find it hard to trust/Not only me, but everyone around me/Because of You/I am afraid.”

Afraid? Yes, the dizziness, and the unknown of what it was or the origins of it, made me panic a lot, the root cause of the anxiety that has plagued my life for many years….

Due to the lack of friends, the loneliness I lived with, and the dizziness and being generally unwell a lot of the time, I often felt low and often cried myself to sleep, a cathartic way to release all the pain I was feeling, sometimes I still do especially when the dizziness is bad or when my mood is low because I feel so bad – “And now I cry/In the middle of the night/For the same damn thing.”

There are many more comparisons that I could make between the life I live and have lived for many years with the song, but think I will leave it there and instead will leave you with the video to this amazing song:

I hope you have enjoyed the latest post, please feel free to post a comment – What would be your theme song? Is there a particular song that inspires you or one that you can completely relate to? Would love to hear your thoughts…

In Chronic Illness

HAWMC Day 6: Health Haiku

April 6, 2012 No Comments

It’s Good Friday, so I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter. I’s the 6th of April, so that means it’s the sixth post in the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. Here is today’s prompt:

Health Haiku…Write a haiku about your health focus. 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables. Write as many as you like!

I have to say, I was pretty nervous when I read the prompt. While I used to love to write poetry as a child, I haven’t done so in some years, and what’s more is I have never written a haiku before!! But I signed up to the Challenge promising myself I will write something everyday. So here it goes…