Hey, everyone…

Am actually in good spirits today, had a great chat last night with my great friend Marissa for the interview I will be doing as part of her project on her blog abledis.com.

Anyway, getting back on topic, it is another day of the 30 Days, 30 Posts Challenge for the WEGO Health HAWMC.  I think today’s prompt is so far has been the most challenging for me, and it reads:

Theme Song…Imagine your health focus or blog is getting its own theme song? What would the lyrics be?  What type of music would it be played to?

I have found this very challenging, as I am not musical in the slightest.  So, instead of composing my very own song for my health focus or blog, instead I have chosen to select a song which I feel inspires me and reflects my life with the condition.

And the song I have chosen is ‘Because of You’ by Kelly Clarkson.  I absolutely love the song, and have decided that the ‘you’ in the song is a metaphor for the dizziness, and reflects how the dizziness has affected me and made me feel through the many years I have dealt with it.  These are the lyrics:

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

Because of you
I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Not all the lyrics are relevant, but there are a select few that really fits my life with the dizziness and mt condition in general.  For example, due to the severity of the dizziness and the episodes of vertigo and visual disturbances, I am unable to go out by myself and this is reflected in the lines “I’ll never stray too far from the sidewalk/Because of You/I learned to play on the safe side/So I don’t get hurt”.  It could also refer to the weakness in the legs, as they often give way on me with no warning, so obviously have to be careful of potential dangers in case of a fall.

Additionally, with the dizziness and experiencing at a very young age, I didn’t know what was going on, and was very difficult for me to articulate to doctors what the dizziness was like, and how I felt.  Also, friends and peers at school due to the dizziness, thought I was ‘odd’ because of it, sitting in science class on high stools, I often had to grab on to the side of the table and because of all of this I was ostracised by my peers, and when I did make friends, or whom I thought were friends, I later found out that they would make fun and ridicule me behind my back.  Even now I am cautious when meeting new people, and find it difficult to make new friends or trust new people who come into my life.  This is perfectly summed up with the lyrics “Because of You/I find it hard to trust/Not only me, but everyone around me/Because of You/I am afraid.”

Afraid? Yes, the dizziness, and the unknown of what it was or the origins of it, made me panic a lot,  the root cause of the anxiety that has plagued my life for many years….

Due to the lack of friends, the loneliness I lived with, and the dizziness and being generally unwell a lot of the time, I often felt low and often cried myself to sleep, a cathartic way to release all the pain I was feeling, sometimes I still do especially when the dizziness is bad or when my mood is low because I feel so bad – “And now I cry/In the middle of the night/For the same damn thing.”

There are many more comparisons that I could make between the life I live and have lived for many years with the song, but think I will leave it there and instead will leave you with the video to this amazing song:

I hope you have enjoyed the latest post, please feel free to post a comment – What would be your theme song?  Is there a particular song that inspires you or one that you can completely relate to?  Would love to hear your thoughts…