Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based on given prompts.

Tuesday 14th April: “I feel best when…” 

Write about moments when you feel like you can take on the world.  Where, when and how often does this happen?

Again this is an extremely difficult prompt for me to answer.  For some time now, too long to remember when it started, but the symptoms have become much more severe and debilitating.  As well as the deterioration in the severity of the symptoms, the symptoms themselves over the years has become constant.

It now seems that I never get a respite from the symptoms such as the dizziness, trembling in the legs and pain.  Not all the symptoms, however, are constant, for instance, certain triggers provoke visual disturbances, and although these symptoms are not consistent, they still occur more than they used to.

Therefore, as I never get a break from living with the symptoms, every day can often feel like a struggle and can feel that I never feel my best and able to take on the world.

This is especially the case when going out after a restless night’s sleep due to pain, which has been the case for a few months.  Furthermore, as the trembling and dizziness are so bad, it is a struggle to be able to get out of the house, never mind finding the stamina to take on the world.

Although, I do find that when I am feeling at my worst due to the pain and trembling in my legs as well as the dizziness and I somehow find enough strength and determination to achieve something that I have struggled to do, such as going to a place that is difficult for me (e.g. retail stores which have high ceilings or a lot of fluorescent lights).

When I do, I suppose it is the closest I can feel to being able to take on the world; I experience a surge of confidence when I have been able to battle through the debilitating symptoms to achieve a goal.  I cannot remember when the last time it happened, but I can remember feeling so happy and proud of myself after managing to stay in a local Next store despite struggling to cope with severely trembling legs and horrendous dizziness.

The symptoms were so severe that during the entire trip, I felt like I needed to get out of the store and go home.  However, despite how bad I felt, I fought through the symptoms and managed to stay in there, even long enough to queue and buy an item of clothing.  For me, at this time it was an immense achievement as there were many times when I was unable to go to the store due to my symptoms.

I also notice that when I can push through the symptoms and able to accomplish a goal, I am also able to do more and go to other places too.

Perhaps it is the little achievements that we as spoonies manage to carry out despite living with debilitating and continuous symptoms that can make us feel like we can take on the world.