I have usually talked about my experience of living with chronic pain in passing. However, I thought I would shed some light on what it is like living with chronic pain from my own experience. And from my own experience living with chronic pain is very much like attempting to survive a storm.
The Storm that is Chronic Pain
Living with chronic pain is like attempting to function through a torrential storm. A mighty and ferocious storm that wreaks havoc and destroys everything in its sight.
The excruciating pain is limited to the upper and lower limbs. However, the pain in the legs is often much worse. The suffering is unimaginable; a crushing sensation, as if caught in a vice which is only getting tighter and tighter. Every step hurts, each step bringing stinging tears to the eyes.
At other times, the pain feels like an extremely unpleasant cold sensation radiating throughout my entire legs; the cold that seeps down right into the bone, feeling frozen and if will snap in half.
It is crippling and unrelenting causing a giant red stop sign to appear in my track; unable to do anything else but think about and feel the intense, uncomfortable pain. Distractions, anything to divert the pain away from the thoughts inside the brain, but nothing works.
Pain consumes everything; a storm that is so powerful and savage, rough waves pulling at the body, dragging you under, overwhelming you. And living with constant pain feels like that, it drags you under to the depths of despair. It is all-consuming and relentless.
Living with chronic pain is all-consuming and relentless. Share on XLiving with constant pain is exhausting.
If fatigue weren’t already a side-effect of living with a neurological condition, then the pain would be the cause. Dealing with pain every day is draining. The nights laying there all alone with nothing but the pain for companionship is mentally exhausting. The lack of sleep and fatigue accompanies the pain, following you around after the exhaustive, restless nights. In the chronic illness community, we have a word for this – painsomnia.
The Unimaginable Suffering of Pain
Often, as the lack of sleep overwhelms everything else, a nap becomes necessary. But no matter how much sleep we, it is never enough. Sleep never eradicates fatigue. A vicious cycle of sleeping during the day and not being able to sleep at night, seemingly impossible to break.
Each morning promises to be a clean slate, a new beginning of hope and promise, but for those like me battling chronic pain, each new morning starts instead with the shock of crippling and debilitating pain.
It is a constant companion, one who dictates how our day will go and what we can do with our day. We speculate when the next ‘storm’ will impact, although very often these waves continuously crash. Pain pulls us under; our body slammed from every side by the rough waters.
Pain is a constant companion, one who dictates how our day will go and what we can do with our day. Share on XThe emotional side effects of living with chronic pain can be just as soul-destroying as dealing with the physical aspects of our conditions.
The Loneliness of Living With Constant Physical Pain
Pain can make us feel incredibly lonely.
Pain is invisible, and as such nobody ever knows just how much pain we are in, there is an expectation to participate in society even when consumed with pain. We don’t want to say no or cancel plans, but it often feels if we are being held hostage by pain, forced to stay at home trying not to be sucked under.
Chronic pain and chronic illness shrink your world until you spend your days staring at the same four walls, like Rapunzel trapped inside her ivory tower.
Lonely as we struggle with the painsomnia; lying awake in bed, the pain draining our ability to sleep, alone with only the pain and our thoughts (usually about the pain) for company. We can be in the company of others, a roomful of people and still feel alone; the pain louder than any conversations happening in the same room.
There are times when the pain wins; days when worn down by the pain that consumes us. Days when we don’t do anything besides lie and think about the pain, feeling defined merely by the pain. Pain has a way of making you feel stranded in the middle of nowhere with no roadmap or compass to help you find your way.
There are times when the pain wins; days when we are worn down by the pain. Days when we don't do anything besides lie and think about the pain, feeling defined merely by the pain. Share on XThe Storms of Chronic Pain Cannot Be Stopped; Only Weathered
Many of us are never without pain, but regardless most days we soldier on despite the pain; we push through the intense discomfort. Despite the constant affliction of pain, we continue to hope for better tomorrows. We cling hard to a raft during the torrential storms until it passes and sunshine and rainbows appear overheard once again.
The storm of living with chronic pain can’t be stopped; it is one that can only be weathered. The only thing to do when the storm hits is to seek shelter, prevent damage, survive and stay as comfortable as possible while the storm is raging. We embrace self-management techniques; tools that we have built up over time into our very own ‘toolbox’ of strategies that help us manage our chronic pain – those which include pacing, relaxation skills, and diet and exercise.
The storm of living with chronic pain cannot be stopped, it is a storm that can only be weathered. Share on XAnd eventually, the storm subsides, and we breathe a big sigh of relief that it’s over, while also waiting with bated breath for the next storm to arrive.
